In many of the ancient and current wisdom teachings about life and reality we have been told that we hold the universe within. Also, anyone who takes his or her first steps on the path of searching for the meaning of life will hear about the importance of self love.
I don’t know about you, but for me these two pieces of knowledge have been an issue for the longest time. I have been ‘working on’ self love for ages, to the point that I would get frustrated when, in the end, every hick-up or every obstacle I created for myself on my personal ascension path still came down to a lack of self love.
I knew with absolute certainty that I carry the universe within — in theory. I existed from the outside, running my body and my expression based on what I thought people around me expected me to be. I specifically look back on my ‘personality life’ and the person I was before I chose to walk away from that version of myself and start the path of personal ascension in earnest, and I can see myself walking into a room, doing a quick scan and then adjust my expression to what I felt I needed to be for those around me in that moment. I even deemed it a good quality.
What I could not see before is that “I” wasn’t there.
“I” failed to take charge.
Basically, I would merely ride the waves of reality created by others and add a little bit here and there. No wonder this pattern, this way of not being, could not hold.
Recently, as part of my ascension path, I went on a walkabout, which might be a new concept for some of you, while it might be well known to others.
Kwan Yin explains this concept as follows:
“In ascension practice, when one goes on a walkabout, one quite literally follows in the footsteps of that ancient, Aboriginal-Australian tradition of ‘coming of age’ by going out into the wilderness and meet nature–the world of physical reality–head on, in the most direct of ways.
As part of the Aboriginal tradition, this only happened once in a lifetime, when one was ready to become an adult, and perhaps it would be repeated under very specific, unusual circumstances.
The practical & personal ascension path, however, at its core, is about getting yourself unstuck, over and over again. Each time a limiting personality layer is removed, one again unhinges oneself from patterning and one, in a very real way, liberates and renews oneself, getting closer to one’s true essential, sovereign self each time. It is for this reason that many ascension teachers and ascension students choose to incorporate regular ‘walkabouts’ on one’s path.
The ‘ascension’ version of a walkabout involves embracing adventure in such a way that one ventures out, away from anything or anyone that one has ever known, for an undecided period of time, until one is recalled.
Much like the proverbial tree, as it falls in the woods while no one is there to see it, could ponder whether the event is actually happening if no one is observing it, so does the ascension student experience the need to make oneself ‘real’ rather than depending on reality input from others.
This allows for the uncertainty principle to play out in the mind in a very empowering way (to the self, at least) via which the one experiencing the walkabout will find it possible to remove old shells that no longer serve and step back onto the path for the next phase of the ascension process. Depending on the person, this process can not be necessary at all or can be needed several times, spread over the entirety of the personal ascension path.”
I have experienced several of these types of walkabouts on my ascension path. While every single one was definitely empowering and helped me to take great leaps forward each time, the last one that I have recently returned from was definitely the most impactful.
During this last walkabout patch, before returning to my ascension space that I share with several other ascension explorers, I was able to experience living on my own for a few months. This might sound easy to you, or even funny, but for me and my past issues with self love, the ultimate question became: who am I when no one else but me is observing me?
Armed with all this knowledge, I decided not to depend on anyone else this time, if only because there was no one around with whom I could share life as an ascension student.
I have learned and seen so much about the reality of ascension, in the last seven years that I have been on this path, that living any other way simply was no option.
I finally faced my big challenge.
I started taking charge of self.
Things changed quickly. Although there was a lot going on within — trying to make sense, for instance, of the how and why for the walkabout I was on — I trusted that I was capable of creating my reality the way I wanted it to be.
I managed to create a nice and safe space for myself with much alone time; I even started to cherish just being with myself. In this silent space there was just me and all that is. It feels like “I” — as an authentic centre — emerged, and this time, “I” am here to stay.
Within that space, and connected to that centre, I had long conversations. On a heart-based level, there where the akene exists, I felt connected and complete and I received clarity about how I had expressed myself in the ‘past’ and how to do this differently ‘now’.
In that space, any doubt got resolved. I could let go of diminishing parts and aspects of myself that had walked with me. I knew what I wanted and which steps I needed to take for this to happen.
It felt very empowering. “I” was doing the choosing, and reality responded accordingly. It was undeniable that “I” was creating it.
This heart centre is expanding and becoming stronger. I would say that it is an almost visible field now, just not to my physical eyes. With my inner vision, “I” see this expanding heart centre as though it were a white field, which is in a constant flowing motion. It is very nourishing, gentle, and makes me feel complete with myself.
I seem to be–I AM–the one directing and conducting it with my focus, and then the manifestation in matter happens.
I am sure I am still at the very beginning stages of this, but it feels so good to know and experience that everything I could ever need has always been inside of me, the building blocks of how I want to express myself.
We might have heard this once or twice before — I certainly have!
I am grateful for having been guided to finally put this into practice.
What a beautiful adventure! I am a work in progress.